The Process

You can talk about doing something till your blue in the face,until you follow thru,it's just that,talk. For the past year I have been going through an emotional roller coaster trying to figure out what I was going to do with my situations.One thing has always deemed true,you may help someone else sort out their mess,but you can never seem to sort out your own.

For seven years I fought the battle of good and evil vs right and wrong,only to end up at the place I am today.I asked a question awhile back, "What do you do when your relationship turns into a friendship". I realize now that there should have been a friendship established already before a relationship was even started. One should know how to communicate his or her feelings to their partner and how to express themselves.
I was so focused on being a good woman,and giving him everything I thought he needed from me,I lost myself.I went in a happy go lucky person ready to take on the world and within a year I was down and out feeling like there was no end in site.
When I would say how I felt no one seemed to understand what I was saying. Nor were they trying to help me make sense out of it.I was always told to go seek help from the Lord.I felt how could I,I didn't seek him when I got into this mess.I continued to smile when I really wanted to scream like a damn fool! I laughed, when I wanted to just cry. No one saw the pain I was dealing with.No one said its ok, cut your loses and move on. Instead I heard,we were happy for you cause we thought that's what you wanted. Or my all time favorite, "you made your bed, now lay in it"!

One thing I can truly say is no matter what it is, when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will make changes in your life. The first thing I had to do was mentally prepare myself for this process.I have never really been alone. Someone has always been in my life rather it was just a friend or someone I was dealing with. I am not a person who likes a painful journey,I have some cool exes,we get along very well. And I extended that same olive branch to him when I decided enough was enough.

This process I am dealing with know is both a mental as well as an emotional one. I want to really know what love is by the time I am forty.I want to know what real passion feels like. I want to know that no matter the situation, I have a hero who will stand with me through the storm.

I have come to realize that waiting is not always a bad thing,it will enlighten us with details we would have missed had we jumped the gun and rushed into something neither person was ready for. Marriage is a responsibility not everyone is equipped for. there is more to it than just sex and cooking. If your mate has no emotional or physical connection to you ,then  not only are you fighting a loosing battle, but you may need to start your own process......................

Divalicious