A few weeks after that ordeal I was hospitalized.In a nutshell I was doing too much.I had reached my breaking point.God had told me to slow down,but I would speedup and that's when he had to intervene and make come to a complete stop.I had to learn how to allow other people to take care of me,(I have yet to master that)He was cool at first,but after bout three days in the hospital,he started tripping.I wasn't in a position to talk so I said go home!After a week they sent me home with nurses and physical therapist and all the bells and whistles.A few months later my mom had quadruple bypass surgery.I went to the hospital and stayed a whole week until she came home.I was told you ain got no business out there let someone else do it.I said "that's MY momma right or wrong she gave me life and I ain leaving till she leave and if you got a problem with it you need to be gone when I get there"!We ain have no more lip bout that!
I was telling myself,"you got lost in everyone else".I stayed in the beginning because failure is not an option.But if you are in a place that you are not destined to be then how are you failing?This man has literally made me sick.I had minor ailments growing up but never this bad.I hurt from time to time that's normal.the older I get the worse it seems to get but I did something that no one knew I was doing.I went and checked in a hotel for four days by myself.Didn't have a sick day the entire time.I've gone out with the girls or stayed the night with friends and you guessed it,no problems.I know that I can recover from what ever is ailing me,but the only way it will truly happen is if I be true to myself.This morning I decided that I will live life and not exist in it.I have the information I need to go forth with walking away from this madness and never looking back.I know what God's voice sounds like now,and I know that he will answer you with a calming voice,and if you do not hear him,he will get his point across.I am practicing patience and although I am known for expressing myself and being upfront,I am going to sit on my hands and allow the man to take the lead.I might even try being submissive....okay that's a bit much but I plan on doing what is needed so that when my real husband arrives,I can receive him and give him all of me
Someone who will captured my heart a long time ago,had to remind me,Miss.Positivity that there is light at the end of the tunnel.Thank you for reminding me of who I am and I long to be, and um can I have my heart back?
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